“…too often, when pregnancy is discussed, the conversation is centered around:

(1) how it “ruins your body, sex life, and zaps your pizzazz (think fatigue, shortness of breath while going up and down the stairs, and feeling like you’re going to vomit every time you lie down)”

or (2) you’re going to “glow and sparkle” all the time, have soft luscious hair, and spend your days napping and nesting, in a state of constant bliss (if this has been your experience in pregnancy, power to you momma).

But where is the middle?…

I don’t think pregnancy is all about “surviving,” nor do I believe it’s helpful to have the expectation that you must shine and shimmer the whole nine months.

My goal, during my first trimester, and in my second…was to make contact with thriving as much as possible.

To show up to each day, and any discomfort or symptoms, with gentleness rather than resentment or frustration.

During pregnancy the body undergoes massive shifts, and could use an extra measure of consideration and love.

…Here are a few of the whole-body nourishment treasures I’ve collected so far on the shores of motherhood…”

“The past several months have been intense, navigating a long and exhausting court battle regarding relocating my blended family.

For over a year, I’ve had a clear sense that my time here, in Oregon, has expired…

And when I found out we were expecting, the desire to up-root and re-root, in a new place, intensified.

But so did the opposition (by outside forces) to that move.

And so, while not entirely conscious of it, I allowed a limiting either/or belief to roll into my mind, like a storm cloud darkening the sky.

Either, I remain where they are (my partner and his son), but abandon my desire to abide in a more energetically aligned geographic location, or I (and our unborn baby) move on ahead, and hope the rest of the family follows, eventually.

The idea of stuffing my inner-knowing on this, felt unbearable.

However, I was also unsettled by the thought of splitting up our family across states.

“But you can’t have it all! Life is full of compromises,” so they[people] say.

This is just how things have to be, I reluctantly thought…”

“Recently, I had what I call an, “energetic breakdown.”

That experience where you feel like you’re being swallowed by a dense fog.

And no one’s coming to save you.

Self-inquiry/reflection doesn’t always look like sitting on a mountain top, with a gorgeous view, scribbling away in a leather-bound journal.

Sometimes it's contending with the gloomy midst, until it divulges the true source of your unhappiness.

And I wasn’t going home, until I knew the offender responsible for this internal chaos.

I needed to know who or what to blame for the feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, criticalness, jealousy, irritation, despair, and anxiety that were flooding my inner terrain.

But after exhausting all the external possibilities, my pain reminded.

There was only one place left to explore, my own soul.

So, I flicked on the lamp within, and surveyed the room.

I saw a little girl, sitting on the floor in a corner, knees pressed against her chest, terrified of being without love, approval from others, and accomplishments that would prove her worth to the outside world.

That morning, Fear took off all its disguises.

And I saw the director beneath all the drama…”

“Learn to ‘live’ with your anxiety.”

“Find a way to make ‘peace’ with your depression.”

“Eliminate dairy from your diet, and you’ll keep your digestive distress ‘at bay.’”

Have you been told one or all of these things before?

Over the course of my journey with various health disturbances, I’ve certainly heard them a time or two.

These remarks were intended, by well meaning folks, to give me hope that I could find a way to, “get by '' in life, even if my mental and physical challenges didn’t resolve.

The only problem was, “getting by,” was exhausting, and left me feeling a far cry from hopeful, about the days ahead.

What kind of spectacular future could I create when all my energy was directed towards keeping symptoms under control?

Take anxiety for instance.

I was trying, really hard, to “live” with my anxiety– reading academic literature on anxiety disorders, writing down inspirational texts from the Bible to recite when a flood of panic washed over me, exercising regularly, and drinking LOTS of matcha green tea.

Every day, I devoted time and mental effort to being a “good” host for anxiety.

But even with all the accommodations I provided, it wasn’t a very nice guest.

I was so tired.

Tired of the anxiety feeling like a load of bricks on my back, that I was supposed to “get used to” carrying around with me.

It was disheartening to think that this was just “how it was going to be,” forever.

Can you relate?…”

Ready for the secret? The key to stepping into your biggest healing breakthrough?

Get ready for it… DRUM ROLL…

knowing YOURSELF.

“Wait, what? That’s all?”

I understand your skepticism.

For many years, I believed the answer for feeling good lived “out there” too. I thought that once I found it, all my ails would melt away.

And many “cures” did appear– naturopathy, nutritional therapy, mindfulness, yoga, movement medicine, emotional regulation techniques, earth therapy, etc. – but I still felt something was missing…

Then it dawned on me,

…It wasn’t the “wellness tools” that were going to transform me. Healing wouldn’t fall from the sky simply because I was taking such and such supplement, or doing downward dog every morning.

No, regeneration of health comes from a shift of intention and attention.

The restoration of your vitality comes by way of an energetic realignment.

A radical reorganization of your priorities, where seeking to know yourself, and honoring what you discover, makes the top of the list…”

“Love is a powerful energy. The most powerful. And for most of my life, I’ve put a lid on how much of it I’m allowed to enjoy. Until it almost cost me my relationship…

It’s not easy to admit, that the first couple years of my marriage, I questioned if it was for me.

If I had made a massive mistake in thinking I was ‘marriage material.’

While the photo at the top of this post is beautiful, it’s only fair that you know, at the time, I didn’t know if my relationship was going to make it.

For a couple months in 2021, I remember arriving at weekend after weekend, having long talks with my husband, about if we should or shouldn’t keep trying to make this “work.”

…Before getting married, I had thought I’d love having an adoring spouse, who complimented me frequently, and would leave love notes for me on occasion.

But it didn’t feel wonderful.

…I felt detached. As if there was some wall between me and actually feeling the love I was being offered on a daily basis.

…I was hitting my “love ceiling.”